I decided to try writing a stream of consciousness type post for my character. This is still fiction, but who knows what may come out...
As always, constructive criticism is appreciated.
I'm not taking one.
I don't care that she brought them in "just for me." I'm not doing it.
Really? Pink?
She did it on purpose. She knows I can't resist the pink frosting.
Usually.
I will today.
I've been so good this month. Down ten pounds. Fourteen more to goal. I'm not ruining that over pink frosting and those stupid heart sprinkles.
Hearts are stupid.
What are they? Left over from Valentine's Day? That was like a month ago.
Valentine's Day. That's stupid too. Why does anyone care about it so much? I mean, he "forgot" about it and did I freak out? No. It's not like I wanted to go out. And I don't need any more necklaces. It's just as well he didn't remember.
But seriously? He forgot? Did he set foot in a store this winter? With the red and the pink and the hearts everywhere? Who could forget?
I want that donut.
It's begging me to eat it.
But she'll just love that, won't she? She's been trying to sabotage me ever since I fit back into these jeans.
I love these jeans.
More than I'll love that donut.
I'll just eat half. Someone else will finish it. Just a little taste.
Ah, hell. What's one donut gonna do?
15 comments:
Ah. The battle that goes on in my head with every bite of just about anything filled with sugar. Sugar always wins.
Ah yes. Don't we all have THAT conversation! Sigh.
The Valentine's day bit had me laughing, especially this part:
'Hearts are stupid.
What are they? Left over from Valentine's Day? That was like a month ago. '
For some reason I wanted the 'she' in it to be her mother-in-law. And in fact my only concrit would be that knowing who is torturing her with the donuts might be grounding.
This self dialogue, brilliant;
'I love these jeans.
More than I'll love that donut.
I'll just eat half.'
Short, sweet and to the point, Karen...well done! P.S. Buy stretch denim...:)JP
This was awesome! I love "hearts are stupid" and "it's begging me to eat it"! I have felt that way so many times!!!
I like how you did this. No fussiness, just thoughts.
Like a previous commentor, I'd like to know who "she" was.
And thump "him" on the head.
I love that we all have that constant mental conversation running in our heads!
But seriously, can anyone resist such a delicious temptation?
Stupid doughnuts!
Fun approach on the prompt. I like it.
I think the internal debate is great--very realistic. I have thse conversations with myself all the time.
I love that we are getting a peek inside her head. I love the battle of willpower going on in her head. I was really kind of hoping that she would resist it, but it is kind of an impossible task, eh?
It flowed so well. I really did love the jeans bit, and the whole Valentine's Day part. DId he step in a store? How could he miss it. It was great.
I can't wait to read more!
--The Drama Mama
Love the internal dialogue, especially the last sentence. It's so true to think that way!
I could really relate to this. In fact I had this same conversation this week with cupcakes. Chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting. I didn't win. I ate two.
Oh yes, an inner dialogue I think we can all identify with on some level. So relatable!!!
Although I have to say, I don't believe that just one donut would undo someone's weight loss. Now, if that donut were to start up a sugar binge or something? And for many people it would (me included) but I don't think that can just be implied.
Also, I was left wanting to know more about "he" and "she" - who are they?? See? The mark of good writing - I want to know more! ;)
This was a really fun piece!
I so knew she was going to eat that donut. They are the toughest things on the planet to resist. And it's really tough to find a bad donut, you know?
I love the "how could he forget about vday, hasn't he stepped into a store..." segment. Brilliant and the on going debate about the cookie is my every day life!
Oh yes, the classic struggle between want and need. Chocolate is always a hard one to turn down for me. I enjoyed the way you illustrated the inner struggle of the character.
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